


471. deicide

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [72]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 04:22:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7998436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s a strange experience, watching Sarah shoot Rachel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	471. deicide

It’s a strange experience, watching Sarah shoot Rachel. It feels like Helena’s memory pulled out of her eyeballs, like film reels, and then played in front of her backwards and upside-down. Rachel talks a lot more than Helena did, though, when it was Helena’s turn to die. Also: this time Sarah actually hits her heart.

It’s still strange, though. _Did my body twitch like that? Did I fall like that? Did Sarah’s face look like that?_ And on, and on, and on.

Sarah’s face: a death-mask of horror and something like regret. No, Helena doesn’t think her face looked like that when she shot Helena. Mostly it just looked resigned. From what she remembers.

On the ground Rachel twitches. She won’t stop making horrible gasping sounds, noises that sound almost like laughter, Rachel using her last few seconds to spite them one last time and—

Helena puts a bullet in her skull. Rachel falls and goes silent.

“What the hell,” Sarah says, her voice an empty hollow space where anger should be. “She was already _dying_ , Helena.”

“It would have taken longer,” Helena says flatly. “A few seconds. She was loud.”

Sarah is giving her that look she gets sometimes: _what happened to you, what is wrong with you, what monster is saying it’s my sister now?_ Helena ignores it. She is swallowing everything down, right now. One of them has to go flat, and – Sarah is too new to this. Sarah can’t go flat. It will hurt her.

“She was _loud_ ,” Sarah says, and sure enough: feelings are leaking back into her voice. She looks over at the body. “She was—”

“Going to kill us,” Helena says. “Going to hurt many many people.”

“A person,” Sarah says quietly. She backs up until her back hits a wall and then sits down. She is back to staring at Rachel’s body. Rachel’s mouth is turned up at the corners, like she finally understands the joke but is never going to tell them the punchline. Helena knows the punchline! Helena learned it a while ago; the ceiling of a warehouse told her.

She sits down next to Sarah. Rachel’s legs are twisted at weird angles. She looks like the Barbie doll Helena pulled out of one of Maggie’s bins; at the end of the day, there isn’t really a difference.

“A bad person,” Helena says. “She deserved it.”

“Yeah, so did _you_ ,” Sarah says. Then she stops, like she can’t believe she said it.

“Yes,” Helena says easily. She lets the silence linger.

“She’s not coming back, though,” Sarah says.

“No,” Helena says. “Brain maybe, heart maybe. Brain and heart? No, Sarah, nobody lives with bullets in both of those things.”

“I thought it would feel like something,” Sarah says. “Why doesn’t it feel like anything.”

“This is called _shock_ , I think,” Helena says. She shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“When you—” Sarah says. Stops. Continues: “The first time. Did you—”

“ _I_ don’t know,” Helena sighs. “It was a long time ago, Sarah. It doesn’t matter now.”

She doesn’t say it, the truth: she had shot Rachel so this did not entirely have to be Sarah’s death. Sarah still does not have a first death, and Helena didn’t want it to be this if she could take it away from Sarah and hold it for her. And she would! She would, always, forever.

“I’d do it again,” Sarah says, “if I had to.” She sounds like she’s trying to convince Helena, or maybe herself. Helena doesn’t know if Sarah is still talking about Rachel. She thinks maybe she isn’t. Not anymore.

“I know,” Helena says quietly. Sarah’s head lists to one side until it finds Helena’s shoulder; she has not taken her eyes off the body, not this time. Helena sighs and leans her head on top of Sarah’s, Sarah’s head on top of her shoulder. They sit in silence. They wait to see if Rachel will get back up.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


End file.
